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Words Women Use
 Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.
Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the
game before helping around the house.
Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end
in "fine".
Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT! !
Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means
she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you over "Nothing".
That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a
woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and
back out of the room slowly.
A doctor and a lawyer
were talking at a party.
Their
conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their
ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After
an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you
do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of
the office?"
"I
give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The
doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The
next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When
he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer
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| How to
Know where a Driver is from |
One hand on wheel, one hand
on horn: New
York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator:
California
With gun in lap:
L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in
terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat:
Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on
brake, mind on game:
Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a
McDonalds bag out the window:
Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed
steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming
around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the
road:
Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different
angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and
rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator,
poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl
inlaid handle in the glove compartment:
Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly
checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their
own or another's car:
Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving
gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for
landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any
bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter:
Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer
cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna:
West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level,
driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-u
Stupidity is everywhere
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for
February and March for their service charges on her credit card,
and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.
A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and
charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report
her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you -
the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees
and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't
know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she
will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129,
Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?
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